“I was professionally trained nine years ago by a Domina who was also trained by a Dominatrix a generation her senior, making me fourth generation,” Milah Romanov explained to YNOT Cam. “I carry with me four generations of skill and knowledge that have been passed down over the years. It was only in the past four years that I took those skills online.”
We got to ask Romanov some questions about this closely-guarded world and her experiences coming up therein.
How does one find information and mentors in this space?
When I first went online, [Goddess Lilith] was one of the first accounts I followed. Decorated with awards and highly respected by her peers, I knew from the start she was someone I wanted to get to know — and here we are years later, the best of friends. Goddess Lilith had been a rock in my life since we’ve met, she keeps me grounded and has been there for me on several occasions even before she knew me well.
More recently, I have come to know Romi Chase. She has been a mentor and a guide for aspects of the industry and social media management I previously was lost on. When she first reached out to me about working together at Fetishcon 2019, I couldn’t have imagined at the time that she too would become a close friend and confidant.
In both, I see qualities I admire and aspire to be. With Goddess Lilith, I see wisdom and strength from years of experience. With Romi, I find myself Idolizing and inspired by her genius marketing skills and research. I keep a small circle, but it’s the perfect size for me.
What are some benefits (or struggles) that come from moving from in-person to online?
One of the best parts about bringing my brand online is not having to deal with the slight discrepancies of the legality of femdom. Everything online is fantasy roleplay, essentially acting, so it’s perfectly legal. The online reach is also incredible, and thanks to that I was able to travel all over the country, sponsored, which is something that someone like me who grew up dirt poor never even dreamed of doing. I’ve met so many wonderful clients and models in the process.
The challenging part was now I had to learn how to produce and shoot content and how best to market my brand. I became a model, producer, editor, videographer and photographer overnight. When I first started out, I didn’t even have a camera or a computer — but I just kept investing into my brand and slowly gained everything I needed.
— Mother Russia (No IRL Sessions) (@MilahRomanov) July 1, 2021
Managing fans has to be challenging – like in this tweet below. How does this example fit into your wider strategy for managing fans and expectations?
Most of my fans are amazing, truly. I’m close and chat daily with many of them. But not only as a femdom but as a human being who doesn’t allow disrespect, sometimes I have to draw a line. Sometimes examples have to be made in order to retain order. Until a client has booked a session, bought content, sent tributes and so on, they are prospective clients — but overall strangers on the internet.
I hold privacy and personal information of my clients to a high regard and would never share their personal information. However, if you’re not a client, you’re not privilege to such luxuries. If you are a client and become dangerous at any point you can also lose those privileges. I will not hesitate to report dangerous clients to the community to protect other models. This includes clients who are dangerous to themselves.
It’s important to remember that as a dominatrix my services can be therapeutic, but I’m not a therapist. Recently I’ve come to find that the pool of prospects isn’t educated enough to so much as send a proper email. I would even say most do not send emails with basic name, state, county, desired date of session and the type of session they enjoy. Instead, I get hundreds of emails that read “session?” or “I want you to [xyz]” — simply and irritatingly, no respect.
Seeing a fully trained dominatrix is a luxury, one that continues to be abused more and more by both clients and the neo gen of “self-taught” “domes,” and I do use the term “domme” lightly.
The world of domming — and really, all sex-related occupations — is largely unregulated, and that can cause problems (as demonstrated in the tweet below). What do you think is the best way to balance “no regulation” with the independent nature of sex work?
The truth is, if you are meeting complete strangers off the internet in person, you need to have someone your senior show you the ropes. It’s far too dangerous for both you and the client to learn as you go or “fake it till you make it.” Even when working online or through a production company, it’s wise to ask for references — especially in the fetish industry. Some time ago, it would seem clients figured out if they bought a camera and paid a fraction of a session fee they could participate in their kink, at a discount, and have the video to profit off of and jerk off to in their spare time. We call people like this GWC — or, “guy with camera.”
As far as the tweet in reference, that is a prime example of the dangers of untrained newbie “dommes” in our community. She’s been banned from multiple industry and fetish lifestyle events for harassment and unsafe practices including stalking and doxing other fetish models. That’s why when I saw that DomCon LA was giving this known problem “domme” an impact class that could further spread misinformation I spoke up immediately.
Any experienced dominatrix, even if impact play isn’t their specialty, can see at a single glance what was wrong with that photo. I was fortunate that my loud cry for justice reached, and with further investigation the head of the con — Mistress Cyan — was able to put a stop to it. Had I stayed silent on the matter, who knows what would have resulted as a domino effect from that class. It was only by working together as a community that we managed to avoid such a catastrophe.
We can make a difference and we can keep each other safe, but someone must take the first step initiative when they see something wrong. Silence is the enemy of progress.
Outside of work, what are you most interested in?
Outside of work, I probably seem as average as the next person. I enjoy music and games, I like to read and go swimming and horseback riding. My work consumes a lot of my time, and even when I’m not working I’m thinking of work. I’m somewhat of a hybrid between a person who really enjoys their career and a workaholic!
Long term, I would like to do something to help the safety of others in the community. I’d like to establish “safe” contacts in major cities all over the US in case of emergency. A strong network between [women] is essential to our safety and continued practice in real world situations.
This includes the mainstream porn industry. I would like to work together to help directors and models have better communication and safety practices with fetish porn scenes. I guess you could summarize that my work Is my passion!
— Mother Russia (No IRL Sessions) (@MilahRomanov) July 5, 2021
If you could change one thing about today’s world, what would it be and why?
If I could change one thing about the world today it would be the educational system and the healthcare system, particularly dental.
In the United States, we are too rich and too strong a country to have such a poor educational system and nearly nonexistent affordable medical care. Basic needs such as these hold everyone, not just those in the adult industry, back in life, crippling them with student loan and medical debt.
I’d also change the economic structure of home ownership. It’s insane to me that banks and brokers can look at someone paying $2000 per month in rent and deny them a home where the mortgage would only be $900 per month for twice the space. It’s particularly bad in my home state of Florida.
I plan to continue my work as a dominatrix although it be only online for now following my recent hiatus, continue growing my audience and raising the bar on safety for the industry as well as my own personal content quality and variety. I’ve been in awe recently of size fetish and hope to dive into that kink after some proper research. It just looks like so much fun I’m so excited to give it a go. There’s just so many kinks to explore, although I don’t want to cast too broad of a net audience wise, the temptation is certainly there.
Find Milah Romanov on Twitter at @MilahRomanov.
Erika is a sex positive people watcher (and writer). Email her at firstname.lastname@example.org.